THE ANTI-SOCIALIST
Or perhaps, I'm those who can talk alot when we are on the same frequency. It's like how Brendan can go on and on about politics. True that. I'm a loner. I like my time alone. For the past few weeks I haven't been attending life group because of other commitments like assignments and exams. And I find it hard to have my time alone at home. Therefore I forgo life group and stayed home playing computer games and relaxing. However, I went to life group this week. I just felt bad to have neglected them in a way. And not to mention, the pressure from my Shepherd (Spiritual Mentor). He challenged me on Sunday to make Corporate prayer meeting, Life group and Sunday church Service as part of my weekly routine/ritual or whatever you would like to call it. I feel obliged because he has done some favors for me and his persistence of calling me up, reminding me to attend services in the past. Furthermore, he is planning to move to the working adults life group and no longer in the uni students life group has made me realized I should spend more time with him before he departs. And when that happens, I don't want to look back and regret that I never spent enough time with him.
This leads me to another thought, what if I did not join this life group, and just attended church regularly or occasionally. I would then have much more time to do the things I want, like what a particular person has said to me recently, "You know.. you can always skip church if you are swamped." I would probably go hell yeah if I was still a naive wreck like that person. I was utterly disgusted by that thought. How could an individual even disregard another person's religious belief, thinking that going to church is a waste of time? Honestly I can tell that person something, "Your ridiculous excuse of 'Ahh, I'm lazy to go to (insert a place here), (insert excuse here)" is a waste of time." The mere 20 seconds of giving that excuse is what a waste of time is.
But I think what is holding the antisocialist back from knowing my life group friends better is the topics we can chat about. There are many things you can't talk about in a christian environment. Most topics that spark interest are taboo. You can't share about your friend's gay dreams and jokes, therefore what do you talk about? Asking how another person's week went often result in the same answer. The fear of speaking out of the norm has put everybody in their protective capsule, as everybody wants to be "the tongue that does not spit fire". Nothing wrong with that, therefore sometimes it's just best to keep silent and slowly disappear into the shadows. Or just be a shadow.
I know I'm a very confused Christian.
However, I do wonder how the other fellow brothers and sisters cope with all their school work and yet attend all these activities. I personally find them overwhelming. Something came to my mind today therefore I'm writing this long piece. Perhaps I should give it a go, a step of faith. Centering my life on prayer meeting, life group and sunday church. Center my life on God and trusting him instead of worrying my black hair to white. For the past few months, I have been centering my life on Work and Uni. Planning everything to make sure it goes according to plan. I like to plan things where that plan will work out. Eliminating all possible externalities that could interfere with the plan. However at the end of the day. Plans are just plans. Church was something I just go when I feel like it because I like to learn and listen to the word of God. (what the pastor has to preach for the sermon) Many of the messages make so much sense that it has become the drug for my life. I just got hungry for more. I'm going to be honest with you all. Living a Christian Life is not easy at all, God is hard to please. Now, going to church for me is about praising and worshipping God too. He has given so much countless blessings. Many of you non believers would probably think its either action and reaction, luck, coincidence. But I tell you the truth, God is there.
That's why. I think I will start to move and shift my schedule to center prayer meeting, life group and sunday church service as my weekly ritual. It used to be centered on my working days, and it used to be depending which days I want it to be free for fun and uni work. I'm slowly developing my life around church. It's taking time, but I'm feeling thats the direction I'm heading indefinitely. It's not going to be an easy journey. To leave behind a life without boundries, a life where you are in total control. It's human nature to take control of your own life and want things to turn out the way you want it. But God has his plans for each of us I believe, its not going to be easy like I said before. But He will provide when you are in need. Like what Brendan said
"God is there man. He listens to us but chooses the most important moments at which to respond. We hear his words through our faith."
This leads me to another thought, what if I did not join this life group, and just attended church regularly or occasionally. I would then have much more time to do the things I want, like what a particular person has said to me recently, "You know.. you can always skip church if you are swamped." I would probably go hell yeah if I was still a naive wreck like that person. I was utterly disgusted by that thought. How could an individual even disregard another person's religious belief, thinking that going to church is a waste of time? Honestly I can tell that person something, "Your ridiculous excuse of 'Ahh, I'm lazy to go to (insert a place here), (insert excuse here)" is a waste of time." The mere 20 seconds of giving that excuse is what a waste of time is.
But I think what is holding the antisocialist back from knowing my life group friends better is the topics we can chat about. There are many things you can't talk about in a christian environment. Most topics that spark interest are taboo. You can't share about your friend's gay dreams and jokes, therefore what do you talk about? Asking how another person's week went often result in the same answer. The fear of speaking out of the norm has put everybody in their protective capsule, as everybody wants to be "the tongue that does not spit fire". Nothing wrong with that, therefore sometimes it's just best to keep silent and slowly disappear into the shadows. Or just be a shadow.
I know I'm a very confused Christian.
However, I do wonder how the other fellow brothers and sisters cope with all their school work and yet attend all these activities. I personally find them overwhelming. Something came to my mind today therefore I'm writing this long piece. Perhaps I should give it a go, a step of faith. Centering my life on prayer meeting, life group and sunday church. Center my life on God and trusting him instead of worrying my black hair to white. For the past few months, I have been centering my life on Work and Uni. Planning everything to make sure it goes according to plan. I like to plan things where that plan will work out. Eliminating all possible externalities that could interfere with the plan. However at the end of the day. Plans are just plans. Church was something I just go when I feel like it because I like to learn and listen to the word of God. (what the pastor has to preach for the sermon) Many of the messages make so much sense that it has become the drug for my life. I just got hungry for more. I'm going to be honest with you all. Living a Christian Life is not easy at all, God is hard to please. Now, going to church for me is about praising and worshipping God too. He has given so much countless blessings. Many of you non believers would probably think its either action and reaction, luck, coincidence. But I tell you the truth, God is there.
That's why. I think I will start to move and shift my schedule to center prayer meeting, life group and sunday church service as my weekly ritual. It used to be centered on my working days, and it used to be depending which days I want it to be free for fun and uni work. I'm slowly developing my life around church. It's taking time, but I'm feeling thats the direction I'm heading indefinitely. It's not going to be an easy journey. To leave behind a life without boundries, a life where you are in total control. It's human nature to take control of your own life and want things to turn out the way you want it. But God has his plans for each of us I believe, its not going to be easy like I said before. But He will provide when you are in need. Like what Brendan said
"God is there man. He listens to us but chooses the most important moments at which to respond. We hear his words through our faith."
The pieces of puzzle is starting to come together. Now things make more sense. I have been given a direction. The arrow that leads to the route is established. The journey begins....
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